Soundtrack: Metallica – Unforgiven II
Ok. So let's get to business.
Eight years ago I was a very idealistic teenager. I had strong opinions on the subject of drugs, including alcohol and cigarettes. I was in a very spiritual phase at the time and I couldn't miss the opportunity to give speeches to people about their bad habits and addictions. REALLY annoying, you know? I would go on and on about how addictions showed us a person was weak.
This way of thinking is not completely wrong(if it's wrong at all) but let's say I’ve learned how to be a little bit more flexible since then.
What I found out was that ALL human beings have their own weaknesses.
Anyway. I met someone during this phase.
I had a friend at high school that I shall name Lyla.
Anyway. I met someone during this phase.
I had a friend at high school that I shall name Lyla.
Lyla and I were best friends at the time and she told me she was seeing this guy which had a very pretty sister.
Apparently Lyla thought I would fancy the girl and vice-versa.
Apparently Lyla thought I would fancy the girl and vice-versa.
One day, after lunch, Lyla was headed to the guy’s house and invited me to come along and I decided to go.
I would call Lyla my sister and if she was saying that this girl was pretty and with a great personality I just had to check it out. I’m too curious.
We arrived at the house and this girl opened the door.
I shall call her Ms Grin.
The very minute I was introduced to her, I fell in love.
She had beautiful brown eyes, long dark hair, light brown skin and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
I found out very soon that she had a very warm personality as well.
We were talking and laughing about loads of things and I was trying hard not to show I was really nervous. I was so shy, poor me.
Lyla found something to do upstairs and left us alone.
My heart was going crazy... I didn't know what to say or do.
I finally gathered the strenght to get up from where I was sitting and join her at the couch.
We ended up kissing and it was one of those perfect moments you can't quite believe is happening.
I remember going back home that day. I couldn’t feel the ground underneath my steps… Nothing could upset me. I didn’t notice anything on the way home. I was completely absorbed in my own thoughts. And I could only think about her.
After this first day, I’d go to her place every afternoon for the 3 months that followed.
This alone was enough to qualify her as my first girlfriend.
I know, I know! You're reading this and thinking: "3 months? That's nothing, c'mon!"
But you have to analyse this infatuation in terms of TEENAGE time. This means that I was crazy in love. I couldn’t think of anyone or anything else. My grades were not that great at the time and they actually started to get worse. I was skinny and loosing more weight. You know, head in the clouds and all that beautiful obsession we miss so much when we get older.
If you’re reading this and you’re still a teenager, you should be aware that the feelings during this phase of your life are both confusing and very intense. And that’s why you’ll probably remember them clearly for the rest of your life. So enjoy it!
Looking back, I can see that that feeling was much more intense and much deeper than most of the stuff I felt afterwards. It was really strong.
We would see each other every day, for at least 4 hours a day, just hanging in at her place, laughing, listening to music or watching MTV while her mom was at work. (I was young, inexperienced and we only got to second base, if you must know.)
Or, alternatively, we’d be found at a small park nearby her house, enjoying the sun and the warm weather, having ice cream and kissing until our lips hurt. And we wouldn’t care about anything else.
I know. Too good to be true.
The problem was that after two months, I didn't feel the same way about her.
It was weird. I didn't feel anything. Nothing was wrong, really.
I'm not sure, but I think that seeing each other every day made me feel like I didn't miss her. I didn’t have time to miss her.
I think I sort of got used to her. Sounds awful, I know. But I also think that the big infatuation from the first dates was cooling down. Maybe it was becoming something else. More mature, maybe. Love, perhaps?
But what I felt was that the infatuation was going away and this thought freaked me out a bit. I thought I didn't like her anymore, stupid as it might sound…
But I'm always very honest with myself. So I asked her for some time apart to figure things out. She didn't understand it, but she had no choice.
So we stopped seeing each other for a while.
But the weirdest thing happened.
After two weeks apart, I started missing her like crazy. I wanted to see her.. Actually, I had to!
Then I arranged to meet up with her and talk things over. I explained everything to her and I told her I had made a mistake. And that I really liked her.
Luckily, she decided to take me back.
A few days after that, Lyla came up to me sounding very upset and told me that Ms Grin had started smoking cigarettes. She told me that she started smoking after I had broken up with her, but I don’t think I believe that.
She asked me to keep this a secret, but it was just a matter of time and Lyla knew it.
Remember, I was an idealist. I had been giving a go to things like, meditation, astral projection and all that. And because of that, I was trying to keep my body and my spirit “pure”. I despised alcohol, cigarettes and drugs in general because I believed they would cloudy your spirit and get in the way of your spiritual growth.
Eventually, I talked to her about it and she told me she would quit.
One weekend, we went to a bar to watch a football game.
Everything was great and we were having loads of fun.
Then Ms Grin went to the toilet with her friend.
When she was coming back, she walked past behind me and, believe it or not, I felt my energy levels plummeting. I was laughing but this made me feel really bad and I didn’t know what had happened for a minute. Then she sat next to me, gave me a smile and asked me if everything was ok.
The look I had on my face I can only imagine, but I know it was very serious and suddenly, everything made sense.
I asked her: ‘-Did you smoke in the toilet?’
‘-Of course not..’ she replied as I observed her face expression change.
‘-You did, didn’t you?’ – I insisted. – ‘When you came back from the toilet, I felt my energy levels go down and I didn’t understand why.’
I kept going.
‘-Ms Grin, don’t lie to me, please.’
Then she looked down, shamefully admitting her actions.
I said:
‘-Look, you said you were going to quit smoking. You obviously haven’t. But I need to explain to you that I cannot be with someone that smokes. Simply because it’s stupid and it shows a personality weakness. Whatever problems you may have, cigarettes and not the answer, don’t you agree?’
She remained quiet. Shoe-gazing and very serious.
‘You have to promise me you won’t smoke anymore.’ – I said – ‘Each cigarette you smoke, brings you closer to being fully addicted to it. So you have to stop now, before it gets really hard to do it..’
And I added ‘-If you don’t quit smoking, I’ll have to break up with you.’
She said it was unfair. But I didn’t care. I knew exactly what should be done and I did it.
After discussing for a few minutes, she agreed to promise me she wouldn’t smoke anymore. Ever.
I told her: ‘-Listen, you’ve just made a promise. You’ve just looked into my eyes and promised me you will never smoke again. If you break your promise, I’ll break up with you. Agreed?’
‘-Agreed.’ – was her answer.
After that, we continued enjoying the evening. It was so funny. It was one of those perfect moments when you have people you enjoy being with and also the person you’re in love with. I had a very warm feeling inside me.
This happened on a Saturday. The next day, I spent with my family.
On Monday morning, I went to school.
I was in class, when it happened.
I think it was after the break.
Suddenly, a thought came over me and I knew that Ms Grin had smoked again.
Don’t ask me how. I just knew.
I was never so sure about anything in my whole life.
It was a feeling much stronger than intuition.
And I knew I had no choice apart from keeping my promise.
I never called her again.
My guess is that she knew I knew it, because she never came looking for me either.
After this first day, I’d go to her place every afternoon for the 3 months that followed.
This alone was enough to qualify her as my first girlfriend.
I know, I know! You're reading this and thinking: "3 months? That's nothing, c'mon!"
But you have to analyse this infatuation in terms of TEENAGE time. This means that I was crazy in love. I couldn’t think of anyone or anything else. My grades were not that great at the time and they actually started to get worse. I was skinny and loosing more weight. You know, head in the clouds and all that beautiful obsession we miss so much when we get older.
If you’re reading this and you’re still a teenager, you should be aware that the feelings during this phase of your life are both confusing and very intense. And that’s why you’ll probably remember them clearly for the rest of your life. So enjoy it!
Looking back, I can see that that feeling was much more intense and much deeper than most of the stuff I felt afterwards. It was really strong.
We would see each other every day, for at least 4 hours a day, just hanging in at her place, laughing, listening to music or watching MTV while her mom was at work. (I was young, inexperienced and we only got to second base, if you must know.)
Or, alternatively, we’d be found at a small park nearby her house, enjoying the sun and the warm weather, having ice cream and kissing until our lips hurt. And we wouldn’t care about anything else.
I know. Too good to be true.
The problem was that after two months, I didn't feel the same way about her.
It was weird. I didn't feel anything. Nothing was wrong, really.
I'm not sure, but I think that seeing each other every day made me feel like I didn't miss her. I didn’t have time to miss her.
I think I sort of got used to her. Sounds awful, I know. But I also think that the big infatuation from the first dates was cooling down. Maybe it was becoming something else. More mature, maybe. Love, perhaps?
But what I felt was that the infatuation was going away and this thought freaked me out a bit. I thought I didn't like her anymore, stupid as it might sound…
But I'm always very honest with myself. So I asked her for some time apart to figure things out. She didn't understand it, but she had no choice.
So we stopped seeing each other for a while.
But the weirdest thing happened.
After two weeks apart, I started missing her like crazy. I wanted to see her.. Actually, I had to!
Then I arranged to meet up with her and talk things over. I explained everything to her and I told her I had made a mistake. And that I really liked her.
Luckily, she decided to take me back.
A few days after that, Lyla came up to me sounding very upset and told me that Ms Grin had started smoking cigarettes. She told me that she started smoking after I had broken up with her, but I don’t think I believe that.
She asked me to keep this a secret, but it was just a matter of time and Lyla knew it.
Remember, I was an idealist. I had been giving a go to things like, meditation, astral projection and all that. And because of that, I was trying to keep my body and my spirit “pure”. I despised alcohol, cigarettes and drugs in general because I believed they would cloudy your spirit and get in the way of your spiritual growth.
Eventually, I talked to her about it and she told me she would quit.
One weekend, we went to a bar to watch a football game.
Everything was great and we were having loads of fun.
Then Ms Grin went to the toilet with her friend.
When she was coming back, she walked past behind me and, believe it or not, I felt my energy levels plummeting. I was laughing but this made me feel really bad and I didn’t know what had happened for a minute. Then she sat next to me, gave me a smile and asked me if everything was ok.
The look I had on my face I can only imagine, but I know it was very serious and suddenly, everything made sense.
I asked her: ‘-Did you smoke in the toilet?’
‘-Of course not..’ she replied as I observed her face expression change.
‘-You did, didn’t you?’ – I insisted. – ‘When you came back from the toilet, I felt my energy levels go down and I didn’t understand why.’
I kept going.
‘-Ms Grin, don’t lie to me, please.’
Then she looked down, shamefully admitting her actions.
I said:
‘-Look, you said you were going to quit smoking. You obviously haven’t. But I need to explain to you that I cannot be with someone that smokes. Simply because it’s stupid and it shows a personality weakness. Whatever problems you may have, cigarettes and not the answer, don’t you agree?’
She remained quiet. Shoe-gazing and very serious.
‘You have to promise me you won’t smoke anymore.’ – I said – ‘Each cigarette you smoke, brings you closer to being fully addicted to it. So you have to stop now, before it gets really hard to do it..’
And I added ‘-If you don’t quit smoking, I’ll have to break up with you.’
She said it was unfair. But I didn’t care. I knew exactly what should be done and I did it.
After discussing for a few minutes, she agreed to promise me she wouldn’t smoke anymore. Ever.
I told her: ‘-Listen, you’ve just made a promise. You’ve just looked into my eyes and promised me you will never smoke again. If you break your promise, I’ll break up with you. Agreed?’
‘-Agreed.’ – was her answer.
After that, we continued enjoying the evening. It was so funny. It was one of those perfect moments when you have people you enjoy being with and also the person you’re in love with. I had a very warm feeling inside me.
This happened on a Saturday. The next day, I spent with my family.
On Monday morning, I went to school.
I was in class, when it happened.
I think it was after the break.
Suddenly, a thought came over me and I knew that Ms Grin had smoked again.
Don’t ask me how. I just knew.
I was never so sure about anything in my whole life.
It was a feeling much stronger than intuition.
And I knew I had no choice apart from keeping my promise.
I never called her again.
My guess is that she knew I knew it, because she never came looking for me either.
No comments:
Post a Comment