Hello again!

How are you anyway?

No. I'm not just asking. I really want to know. (You can tell me afterwards.)

Me? I'm good, thanks.
Better than I should be, really.
"How so?" you might ask.

Well, I've just lost someone who I thought was The One.

You know, the love of my life.
Some complicated stuff happened and I had to break up with her. (I'll elaborate on that later on.)
The thing is, I don't feel like I've just lost the love of my life. In fact, I don't feel anything at all.It should be painful, right? I should be depressed. Crying my eyes out. I should be having suicidal thoughts and all that, correct?
Believe me, I'm a very emotional lad. I've cried a lot for girls that meant much less than this particular one I'm going to tell you about.
But not this time.

Well, maybe I'm just numb.. Or maybe I haven't realised exactly what happened yet. Maybe I've been working too much to think about it.
Or maybe she hurt me so bad that I just don't feel anything for her anymore.
I probably should start explaining this from the beginning, so that you'll get the picture.
I'll try not to take long.

A little bit about me first? Hope you don't get bored.

I'm a guy who's in love with life. All the way.
I have a good understanding of how big the world is and of the endless possibilities we have in life. I'm also aware of how little time I get to be walking the Earth.
And that's why I'm always trying to do all the things I really enjoy doing and I'm always looking for something new and exciting to do. I even have a To Do List for every year (I'll get back to this soon.)

I'm the kind of guy that would like to visit billions of places before settling down. But the truth is, I don't know if my desire for adventure and curiosity will ever cool down. So I don't know if settling down is an option.
But some friends tell me is a matter of age. That when I get older, I'm going to feel like settling down. Do you agree? What's your personality like? Has it changed lately?
Well, what I do know is that I'm where I am today because of the way I've been living.After graduating from Uni, I decided to come to London.
I'm not working in my field here. No, no. I'm a cocktail bartender instead and I'm having some fun and meeting some interesting people. But it is hard work being a bartender, despite what you might think.

I'm happy to be where I am and I like my possibilities. I wouldn't be able to travel around England nor visit different countries in Europe so easily if I were back home.

To be honest, it's weird to call my hometown "home" because if it's true what they say about "home being where the heart is", then my city is not my home. I don't really have a home, I think. Have you ever felt that?
There's this song I like which goes: "homesick.. 'cause I no longer know where home is."

Anyway, after more than an year in London, I realise I don't miss my house.I miss my parents and my brother, of course. The great friends I grew up with? Certainly. But it's not the kind of missing that makes me want to go back, you know?
Instead, it's the kind of missing that makes me think: "I love them. I know where they are and they are very important to me. But the desire to keep going is very big. I have to keep exploring the world. At least for now."
And this exploration doesn't involve only geographical knowledge, I must add.

The real adventure is the mind exploration. I'm always changing (faster than most people can even follow) and I'm always trying to go deeper and deeper into myself. Everywhere I go makes me realise something new about myself.My trip has just started, but I already feel I've learned a lot about the world and about me. It's incredible.

For example? I've learned that when you are free to do what you want, you find out what's really important for you.
And that when you are far away from everyone you know, you discover who's really important to you. Of course, you are always sure about a few people, but I had no idea I would miss some people that suddenly I can't stop thinking about. It's really weird.

You also realise that it's very easy to find yourself in places you don't want to be. Your life is not completely under control anymore. And you sort of get used to being lost. Or feeling lost. And eventually, you start to enjoy it.

And I've also learned that when you seek a new horizon, you discover possibilities in life which you hadn't even considered before..

If I were at home, I would have a safe chair in an office. I would be making some money right now and I would probably be living a comfortable life. But I'm pretty sure I'd be bored. And I'd be wondering about different choices I could have made.

I'm so sure I'd be bored in the city I grew up in because for the last 4 years I was there, I felt that I couldn't be surprised by anything anymore. Everyone was so predictable.
Nothing interesting would happen in Art or Music and I was getting sick and tired of meeting the same kind of people everywhere I'd go. The most interesting people I met in my last few years there were from different cities.

If I had settled for that comfortable chair in an office I'd be wondering how different my life would be if I had had the guts to leave.

And look, I don't hate a lot of things in life, but one of the few I really hate are "what if's"...

"What if I had called her?".. "What if I had gone there?".. "What if I had done that?" I hate those questions. Specially when you Really wanted to do something and you didn't.
I have this 'great' ability to really torture myself about stuff like that. I can hold on to a thought like that for months.

But going back to my routine now.
Right now I'm working(and struggling) to pay the rent every week and trying to save some money to travel, but I don't have any real guarantees in my job and I might be forced to leave at any time.

So, the way I see it, I didn't have a choice really. I Had to come to London and loose myself in this ocean of information and people. That's what my personality demanded from me.
You get the picture, right?

I think I'm going to stop here and I'll continue my tale later on.

If you're reading this, I invite you to come back, read the next part of the tale and and give me your opinion.
I know that my writing is all over the place. But that's how my mind works. You'll eventually find it amusing, I hope. lol

Did I tell you I’m hyper?

Thanks for all the comments.
Leave your blog address and I’ll pop by later.